I've just been asked by a friend if I want to go out for a cocktail.... a builder going for a fucking cocktail on a friday after work.
What has happened to Great Britain??
Men stood drinking strawberry daiquiris after spending longer on their appearance than women.... nah.
Take me back to the 90's when you'd go out with 20 quid and get pissed drinking pints of Carling that cost £1.60, and 20 Embassy that you'd bought for £2.64.
Every pub would have two Max and Paddy style door men, who were totally unlicensed and usually just a pair of local dickheads who liked punching people in the face for a laugh and perving on lasses who were dressed like cheap hookers.
Inside they'd have an area where the matted sticky carpet that was full of fag burns came to an end, marking the start of the cheap (even stickier) laminate floor which was of course the "dancefloor". At the back of that would be the world's shittest DJ sat amid different coloured light boxes attached to his speakers, usually playing fucking dog shit tunes!!
Failing that there would be a spot of karaoke, where, regardless of where you were in the country, there would always be a fat emotional troglodyte who thought she had the vocal abilities of whitney Houston banging out 'black velvet' at the top of her lungs. Then she'd drag up her equally repulsive friend so they could duet on 'paradise by the dashboard light'.
There'd be a table of underage drinkers in the darkest corner as far away from the barmans gaze as possible (this was where I'd be) they'd be sending the same lad to the bar all night for everyone's drinks and this lad would usually be the one in the group who'd developed the most facial bum fluff at the time. Another feature which qualified you for this role was how deep your voice was. Failing that you'd have to break out the national insurance card (Which has never ever worked for anyone.... ever) cocktail party selections in coral
You'd hardly be able to move, you'd get fag burns in your clothes, cunts spewing on your shoes, and every bloke looked the same wearing a pair of kickers, mole skins and a Ben Sherman shirt in one of about 6 pastel colours making them look like a packet of fucking fruit pastilles when they sat together. In fact why was it so fun? ? ?